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my inner Me finally allowed me in...

...and decided become one with the Me on the outside.

Queen Mab of Critique
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~~~~~I be what I be, as the Cat said, in The Last Unicorn~~~~~

.....and what do this *I* be?.....

My friend, paper_spider, said of me- and it really made my whole day, and gave me a confidence booster: You're a kindness magnet! You should venture out more often. November 28 at 8:56pm · Unlike · 4


"Any woman can cry without tears, and heal with her hands.... she is a woman, and that is puzzle enough." -character Molly Grue, from The Last Unicorn

...~a much younger than now daughter~...
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For my own sake, and for that of my family, I am LEARNING to ask for help, when I need it. A long-time friend suggested allowing my friends to help with my daughter's education costs. After some soul searching and much conversation, we've decided to go with her suggestion. NOW, (Oct'2014) our Son will be going to the same Art's Charter school that Daughter attended for her last 2 years of high school, beginning in August of 2012, and while there is no tuition cost, there are pretty fancy fees associated with the sound tech/arts/rock bands that Son has been accepted into. If you'd like to help, we'd all be grateful. Thanks, Flea slash UrdaBear slash felician_logic, for the suggestion-push. :)

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...~and a much younger than now son~...

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If you wish to know me better, please leave me a note.... otherwise, I'm not terribly likely to welcome you into what is a real journal/diary, shared with a handful of trusted friends. This isn't a "blog", so it is less for mass consumption. However, I also believe that the more different you be from me, the more *I* have the potential to grow and learn. So. Yeah. Just talk at me first.

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I am...

...a mostly-happy wife of 20 years to the geekboy I met at 14.

...finally a driver of my very own little car called Animal, after the Muppet!

...mama of two no-longer-small monsters, a lady-girl and a man-boy.

(slight update here: girl-thing is now woman, graduating and spreading her wings on her own, and the boy-thing is growing towards being a man in his own right, navigating the rushing waters of high school)

...honored and humbled to be Mama C to numerous younglings (and NOT so younglings anymore!!) who i've had the priviledge to know and love for years. who all owe me many hugs, still. (hug-greed? me? nah!!....oh, ok, fine. i am a huggy-greeded person-mama.... i just am. i like to hold hands too.) :)

...a kinda a daughter, and kinda a sister (to one very much alive younger boy-thing who love-hates me, i think) .n. (to the middle brother one who is now gone, who chose to drink himself into a verra early, violent not-yet-30 years old, grave.)

...owned by four not-so-small cats: down to two ol'ladies (MissKitty and Gally), as of 2013; our boys have both passed... thank you for the time, my Flummery companion, and wherever the broken little soul of Gadgetzan went, we were grateful for his feisty kitten-ness.

...used to be and loved to be a part-time worker in home health care.

...a scrub wearin' medical assisting student- well, this one didn't quite happen. yet. life got derailed by my own medical drama, and i have switched gears. it'll be scrubs, but it'll be massage instead. i've had enough of conventional medical care. i wanna be the happy touchy feely one instead. my collection of scrubs waits for life to cooperate. ***at this point, none of that is likely to happen, though i'll keep the pretty handmade scrubs until i can use them or i find someone similarly sized who can make use of them***

...a chronically behind reviewer of books and DVDs for curledup dot com because i can't get enough of them book/dvd thangs. ;)

...an editor, largely for junior high/high schoolers. just beginning my Editing.Services.by.Carolynn offerings. (Nov2014... uh, after the crazinesses of NaNoWriMo) my whole world would just GLOW with Sparkly Pixie Dusts if i were to ever get to edit something by, oh say, Gabaldon, or Beagle, or Hamilton, or Boynton, or Briggs, or Richardson... etc etc etc... or if my edits help launch the Next Big Author. :)

...a big believer in The Spoons Theory. it has helped myself, my family, and my friends to kind of understand how to handle this medical disability that derailed our family plans. a huge spoony bouquet thank you to Christine Miserandino at www.butyoudontlooksick.com for openly, bravely sharing her story publicly and helping so many others to learn to live with a number of mean invisible disabilities.

What else, you say?

I crochet lots and lots of blankies- Portable Hugs.

I read more than is even remotely reasonable.

I make obsessively time consuming greeting cards, sometimes including bits of crochet or quilling techniques.

I might have a slightly obsessive problem with Purple Love, but I just enjoy rich, deep, dark jewel tones in general. They go nicely with my purples.

I bake cookies and breads.

I cook most every day. Sometimes impressively. Sometimes... not so impressively.

I pretend I like to play at gardening in hopes that one day I'll believe it myself- at least to grow fresh 'maters and herbs.

I watch a lot of TV, often while snuggled up with my man or my boy-man-son, and once in a rare unicorny while, with my daughter too.

I miss (though with immense Mama Pride) my lady-girl who has gone out in the world, finding her path and making her mark on everyone she speaks to, or gets to sing for.

I clean house only as much as I must to avoid embarrassment.

I dabble with words, but I don't call myself a writer yet.

I admire authors such as Victoria Holt (et all), Peter S. Beagle, Diana Gabaldon, Erma Bombeck, Sandra Boynton, (a number of YA fantasy authors and urban fantasy guilty pleasures! *ahem* the Anita's, the Dhampirs, the Greywalkers(!!!) and the Mercy books, the 1-2-3's AND the a-b-c's, the Dresden's, Warm Bodies, Morganville vamps... ), and recent to blast her way lyrically and hauntingly beautiful into the writing scene, my strong, intelligent, go-for-it friend: Shannon Connor Winward.

I create with paint, pens, markers, and crayons, but I don't call myself an artist yet.

I adore llamas and I really, really hope to have a teeny llama ranch one day. Maybe with little goat friends. And they can chop together on the roof of my imaginary Hobbit Hole Home. ;) Or.... that lovely, ivy-covered, mossy-gray/green stony home on the edges of Lake Stevens, Washington.

I believe in self-healing and growth through my own stubbornness, openness, acceptance, gorgeous differences, and love. Very little else.

I used to play hunters and shamans in WoW. But then they got silly, so my own personal wonderfully talented IT geekman Guru and I play Guild Wars 2 now. Together. We geek out in romantical glee while we slaughter evil pixels. Now (2014) we also both have cute little 3DS gizmos which allow us many giggles and joys even in jammies propped up in bed on lazy weekend mornings.

I eventually WISH to help young women, children, men, families to come through to the other side of abuse... I'm just not there yet. But if something positive, hopeful and strong should come out of my own hurts, I'd like it to be that. Just not sure when, or how, that will incorporate into my life.

I *AM* currently writing (and co-writing) 3 stories: one meant to be a middle-grades chap-book written with my husband, one that has been trying to grow and evolve for years, and a raw honest parenting book, that chronicles the successes and failures I've made as a parent... though we try every day, agonize and discuss all decisions and guidances at great length as a team, we can see our mistakes in the rear-view mirror... maybe someone else can learn from our hurts. (as of Nov. 11th, 2014)

A last thought...

I am all of these things, and yet none of them define who I am. Maybe that is because I haven't quite figured out just who I am for myself yet.

May 21st - Jun 20th

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And lastly, perhaps most importantly, my (well, borrowed from Peter S. Beagle) Molly Grue:

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"How DARE you.... how dare you... how DARE YOU come to me, when I am THIS... It would be the last unicorn in the world who came to see Molly Grue..." Peter S. Beagle

Friends only scrollies made by dhamphir just for me. Amazing purple stripy-stocking'd faery girl is made by phyncke. Pretties simple flowers layout made by kirssy at kirsiicons. Awesomeness Horde banner made for me by flippant@wtfpwnbbq. The pretty witchy with the kitties AND the cute "Cat" (my nickname) fae girl with the wonderful fluttery wings was made for me by phyncke at enchantedrealms- ain't it just cool?? :) Beautiful header made just for me, with me in mind by the artistic and endlessly patient dhamphir Any NOT credited either is a snagged FB ad, or has credit on the art. If I've missed any credits, PLEASE let me know! I honor and respect art and the artists who create for the rest of us to consume and grow from. --- Thank you!!! :)

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I *AM* me... ME is aellwynde, Carolynn, Cat, mama, MamaCarolynn, Sister, Kanga to LittleRoo, writer, artist, woman, reviewer, editor, teacher, care-taker, 1st born, hated, accepted, accept-ING, person, DIFFERENT, wife, lover, best friend to a lovingly imperfectly evilly beautimous Suzie-mine. Me. Take me, or get the sappity-sap out- ME.
~~~~~and i knowing-ly, loving-ly, sinister-ly over-use, over-abuse all punctuation and words. i learned the rules maybe just SO i know how i can break them. ;) so there.~~~~~

10th kingdom, 3am, acceptance and tolerance, alias, art, b&w photography, baldur's gate, beagles, bellydance, book reviews, books, bread, broken sword, burgers, candles, card making, cats as guides, children, childrens books, clouds, coastal rocks, coffee, creativity, crochet, crock pot cooking, diana gabaldon, discworld, doctor who, dogs, doodling, dreams, dungeon runners, egg rolls, embossing, emotion, energies for healing, erma bombeck, everquest, faeries, fantasies, feta, firefly, floor plans, flummery!, gilmore girls, gingers, greys anatomy, growth, gyros, harold's purple crayon, herbs, hercule poirot, historical fiction, historical novels, holly hobbie, homemade salsa, honesty, impressionist painting, irises, jade empire, jammies, jennifer roberson, john denver, journaling, kitchens, knowledge, kuna, labradors, lilies, living juicy, llamas, long distance love, long hair, long love, long-hand-written letters, loreena mckennit, mary maccracken, mcbroom, mcleods daughters, mists of avalon, molassas, molly grue, monochrome paintings, mouse totems, munchkin card game, music, mysteries, night air, ocean waves, old books, oregon coast, organ donors, organization, paladins, parenting, pcos to disability, peter s. beagle, pottery, prehistoric research, purple, purple paisleys, quad skating, quilling, quotes, rain, reading, real talks, remodeling, rich mullins, rubber stamping, sand, sandra boynton, sark, sauces, scones, seattle, sequence, shel silverstein, shortbread, snoods, snow marble bengal cats, socks, soul collage, soup, spirituality, stenciling, stone circles, stoneware, sweats, teapots, the guild, the last unicorn, the little house, timeline, trees, tuesdays, unique me, used bookstores, victoria holt, walking, weaving, white fox totems, white momma bears, white noise, wicca, words, writing, ya fantasy genre


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